This year has been cathartic if not a friggin emotional rollercoaster. From the highs of my first US visit in six years to walking away from love so many times cos it hurts too much only to still not being able to let that love go.
You see I sit here today knowing the spiritual purpose behind my experiences for the year and understanding the wisdom and growth I have gained within because of them. Even celebrating and loving the woman I am today because of the year I have had. Yet I also sit here in a space of anger.
Anger because for 20+ years I have followed the intuitive guidance, listened and acted on the insights and soul knowing’s that have risen to surface to show me the way forward. I know what resides in my heart and I have proven time and again that I do have the willingness and courage to make change where needed to see those hearts desires come to be.
Only thing is – I’m still waiting to see those dreams become a reality. Yes, I can recognize who I have become because of the journey but if the truth be known am I any better off than the next guy who walks happy even if spiritually ignorant. I am so over a lot of this spiritual claptrap, its not even funny.
I’m over all the daily spiritual practices of gratitude, the need to continually let go of expectation, of being the light and aligning my vibration with love. I’m over the vast majority of so called spiritual masters or shall we say people lucky enough to get a book published that profess to know it all but never really have the guts to talk about the reality of how hard maintaining a positive and spiritual outlook can be, even if that is already an inherent part of your being. Where is the real knowledge that teaches you how to get through those moments when you are on your knees with the Universe saying “I’ve had enough and can’t keep going” while knowing you’ve been in that place too many times before.
Well I don’t profess to have the answers. I do know however that if I feel this way, so too do others. And with this in mind I share with you in the hope that in doing so you may know you are not alone and something I say may spark a light for you.
As I get to this point in the writing I come upon a block. Not knowing what to write next than can help me to clarity and healing. So I ask my heart with its infinite wisdom “What does it want to say?”
- I’m tired – emotionally spent from the continual round of growth, healing and up ending of the soul that seemingly leads to no where but an emotional merry-go-round, to which I thought I got off that back in 2013
2. I’m tired of all the ask, believe and never receive in a way that fully makes the heart sing. Why the continuous round of learning for the purpose of soul growth? Give me a break and how about manifesting something that simply clicks and makes the heart sing for the pure joy of it and nothing more
3. As for the flow of abundance – Get real Universe! – Why am I having too still even ask for money? I’ve done enough shit in this arena to clear my lack of mentality, let go of my triggers and clear my block, enough to engage the flow so why isn’t money still not showing up at my door. Yeah sure I see the trickles that weren’t there previously but that’s still not paying the rent!
4. As for Love. I can see that my attraction still has me experiencing a lack of love in my life right now which is showing up by me attracting men who for their own reasons are not able to share to in the kind of committed relationship I desire and know I deserve. A love that is mutually and equally supportive, that is founded on friendship, authenticity and communication that is open, respectful and caring. A love that inspires is playful, naughty and a little adventuresome.
What is it God? I know what I want and I love myself enough to hold the standards and not compromise myself. Though I also recognize where I need to allow the flow and where current experiences challenge the ideals I have of myself and what true love is and how that looks, while at the same time letting go of expectations that no longer serve.
Yet if I am honest in amongst all the soul growth there is still a woman who deeply desires love and feels that having woken to the lack of it nearly three years ago, the question remains as to why this still remains even after all the change, all the growth and all the heartache that has filled the journey with only one goal in my heart. To love and to be loved.
I can question, is it my expectations still getting in the way? And I hear “No – because one knows how love feels and I haven’t felt or experienced that yet”
Is it a sense of not truly allowing myself to receive love, even if I have made big in roads with this? There is a level of truth in this. I can sense I still block myself from receiving and this was evident in the last couple of days where circumstances reflected blocks instead of an engaged flow that would have seen a more enjoyable Christmas than the pit of loneliness it felt like.
This then begs the question, how do I shift this? How do I let love in?
This morning on my walk I heart Spirit explain that receiving love is a natural effect of being love – it is a natural law and no effort or allowing is actually needed.
Therefore the real true question is not how do I receive love – but how do I BE LOVE. Even more so than I already am, for I do recognize that I walk with an open loving heart.
How does one stand in the vibration of LOVE whether or not this world or the world around you supports that? How does one behave when existing on a vibration of love? And no, its not having to continually implements self-love boundaries and self love practices for this actually indicates that one is awakening to love as opposed to the natural inherent flow of a master.
Being a master of love – just is, I guess.
As natural as breathing and any having to work at it surely means your well on your way with some way to go as yet. For true enlightenment exists when the soul master the art of being.
- Being love
- Being abundant and wealthy
- Being your purpose
- Being your soul self
And if there is one moment of enlightenment I did learn in 2017, it is the fact that your Soul already knows how to be anything it needs to be. Your soul already knows how to be at peace, it knows how to be abundant, it knows how to just be and in this instance it already knows how to be LOVE.
with love & gratitude,
Kerrie Wearing is an Intuitive Soul coach, a psychic medium and Soul Whisperer with a passion to help spiritually motivated people manifest their dreams. Her work is designed to support people all over the world to engage the Magic of their Soul and manifest their dreams with JOY.
Over the last 20years Kerrie has worked tirelessly in the spiritual fields seeing clients, conducting workshop and events, owning and operating The Australian College of Mediumship and inSpirit Magazine and is now honoured with clients from all over the world. Kerrie has published two books, A New Kind of Normal: Unlock the Medium Within and Wisdom of the Soul: How to live life created with love & inspiration and she is currently writing her third book. Kerrie lives in Sydney, Australia with her family and is a not so secret country music fan.